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Email to My 35 Year​-​Old Self 

from Nhojj Poetry Vol. 3 by Nhojj

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35 was... well I got my heart broken that year. I thought I was going to break in two...

lyrics

He must have been an African warrior in a past life.  Dark and muscled and sweet like chocolate, tasting him was a pleasure.  When he laughed, his eyes crinkled and almost closed.  Pure blind joy.  He relished his laughs... and his love making.  Passion and intensity and honey... and he was spiritual like a Buddhist too.  

You knew he was the one... you wanted to be near him, drink in his scarred beauty, lay basking in the glow of his gaze, and share his tomorrows as well as his yesterdays.  His arms made you feel safe.  

But then summer ended and that terrible storm came.  It must have rained forty days and forty nights...   

The breakup wasn’t your fault.  It wasn’t his fault.  Breakups aren’t anyone’s fault.  Life is a circle - spring summer fall... and we all are peddling as best we can within the seasons of our life.  The old folks used to say, “we are where we are” and you can’t fault a human being for being where he is.  

The words “lost love” float around so frequently, but love isn’t loose change.  You can’t lose it.  That notion lies in the realm of myths and movies.  You may not hear love’s words, or feel love’s skin, or smell love’s sweat, but love is never lost.  Love is not a feeling that goes up and down depending on who is in your life and in your bed.  Do not confuse love with relationships, and do not define relationships by how they end or the fact that they do sometimes end sooner than you’d like.  All things must end, that is how new things are born.  It is up to you to decide what new things will be born within you. 

In my esteem, it matters not how long you two were together, only that you two were together, and you loved him.  You loved.  

You keep the love you make.  You can choose to keep it in a dirty, broken memory box, or you can hold the memory of love in your heart, bond safely with thoughts of gratitude.  

Right now, in this period of heartache and grief, the strings of gratitude may elude your grasp.  Endings are painful and you must allow for this. 

But after the rain falls, the clouds part and the sun shines again.  

Let sun’s rays kiss your face... your neck... your back... your legs... the soles of your feet and make you whole again.  You won’t be the same as before - broken hearts are always a little tender, but in a hard world, tenderness is rare and valuable.

Only with tenderness will you be able to remember mornings of passion and pancakes and say thank you... hear the music of his smile and say thank you.  Feel the strength of his hand in yours and say thank you.  

When we are thankful for the love we‘ve made, we automatically attract more love into our lives.  Love, like everyone else, loves to be around those who love it, and cherish it, and remember it... fondly. 

credits

from Nhojj Poetry Vol. 3, track released June 23, 2018
Written & performed by Nhojj
Contains sample of "Please Comeback" by Nhojj

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Nhojj Orlando, Florida

Singer/songwriter and poet wading through the rivers of R&B, soul, jazz, and reggae.

My intention is to create sonic spaces where you can experience yourself through the lens of love and acceptance.

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